


when the sky above us fell we descended into hell (in these streets of blood and bone)

by OsleyaKomWonkru



Series: The Untold Story of Wonkru [10]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Episode: s04e08 God Complex, Episode: s05e11 The Dark Year, F/F, Friendship, Gen, Life Beyond the Moral Event Horizon, M/M, Morality and Ethics, No One is Happy with Abby, chosen family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 16:00:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15998591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OsleyaKomWonkru/pseuds/OsleyaKomWonkru
Summary: After the start of the Dark Year, Niylah recruits Jackson and Miller to help reach out to Octavia. They reveal a secret from their past, and remind her that she isn't beyond saving, because as long as she retains her empathy, her humanity is not lost.“So you see… we’re all guilty of something.” Jackson said. “And for all we’ve done, no matter how horrible… it has been in the service of trying to save the human race. So we have to live with it. We have to bear it. So the human race survives. But we can’t change the past. All we can do is - is hope. Hope that we don’t have to do anything like that ever again, though realizing that there’s still the terrifying possibility that - that…”“… that the fight to survive isn’t over yet, and we might find ourselves there again.” Miller finished. “This time you were the one who found yourself there, Octavia. But if you say you don’t deserve comfort and compassion after what you’ve done, then neither do we.”“But you do.” Octavia whispered.“And that means you do too.” Jackson wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “You’re not alone. We’re here for you.”





	when the sky above us fell we descended into hell (in these streets of blood and bone)

**Author's Note:**

> The beginnings of my favourite bunker family <3 This is the Niytavia and Mackson conversation mentioned in letter "761 Days after Praimfaya" in Chapter 2 (The Silver Age) in [there's a letter sealed and unopened for you (we hold it in the most when we're wearing thin)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15794610).
> 
> Trigedasleng:
> 
> Ai niron - my love

Octavia stalked down the halls of the bunker towards her room, face a mask, a mask that she hoped she could drop when she got in the door. She hoped no one else would come looking for her. She hoped that Niylah would be there again so she wouldn’t feel so alone.

She opened the door, and heard voices within her room. One of them Niylah’s, but she wasn’t alone.

Octavia stepped inside and closed the door behind her, mask still carefully in place. Jackson and Miller were sitting on the couch with Niylah, but Octavia wasn’t sure what to do. The two of them hadn’t spoken to her since they’d started eating their dead, but they hadn’t been resisters either, approaching it with the same pragmatism as Indra had.

“ _Ai niron…_ ” Niylah said, standing up to come greet her, giving her a kiss on the cheek and helping her remove her heavy coat and hanging it up. “Come join us.”

“This is my room, so…” Octavia trailed off. “What are you doing here?”

Miller stood and made his way over to her, his look inscrutable, but he wrapped her up in a tight hug that seemed so bizarre since rarely were they so affectionate, but at the same time it felt so so familiar. Miller was her best friend, but in that moment he felt so much like her brother that she was almost ready to cry, heart aching at how much she missed Bellamy.

“I’m sorry, Octavia. I’m sorry I broke my promise.” Miller said gruffly into her ear before letting her go.

“Which promise? How?”

“That we’d look out for each other. I should have been here sooner. It - it took Niylah reminding me that I should have been here, and I’m sorry I wasn’t.”

“Miller…” Octavia put her hand on Miller’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault. After what I did, I - I didn’t deserve comfort. I don’t. I can’t.”

Miller returned the gesture, his hand on her shoulder. “You don’t get to decide that. Besides, we’ve all done things. If we can’t find comfort in each other, we’d all collapse under the pain and the guilt.”

“Did you shoot three innocent people last week?”

“No, but…” Miller turned to look at Jackson. “But we’ve been party to something worse.”

“Worse than cold-blooded execution?”

“By my measure, yes.” Jackson said, standing up and coming over to them. He placed his hand over Miller’s where it rested on Octavia’s shoulder. “Let us tell you a story we should have told you a long time ago.”

Octavia looked to Niylah, who nodded. “Listen to their story, _ai niron._ ” Niylah said. “Please.”

Octavia acquiesced, and directed them all back to the couch. Miller and Jackson took seats next to each other, and Miller rubbed Jackson’s shoulder, whatever it was in their history clearly still having an effect on Jackson, if the look on his face was anything to go by.

“After we learned that Praimfaya was coming, while you were in Polis, a number of us went to Becca’s lab to try to make Nightblood.” Jackson said. “Luna was with us, so we could use her blood and bone marrow to see if we could all become Nightbloods.”

“Yeah, that’s how Clarke ended up with it, that’s what Abby said. But they didn’t test it, so didn’t want to rely on it as a cure.”

“Abby didn’t tell you the whole story then.” Miller said. “It’s our fault that Luna showed up to the Conclave like she did.”

Octavia frowned. “During the Conclave, Luna told me that Skaikru taught her that people were cruel. Did you take her bone marrow against her will? Like they did in Mount Weather?”

Jackson nodded. “But that’s not the worst of it.”

“I’m listening.”

“A thief broke into Becca’s house. Emori said she recognized him, that he was a bad guy who’d hurt her and her people.” Miller paused. “Her saying that about him was what we used to justify testing the first Nightblood trial on him.”

“There was a radiation chamber in the lab.” Jackson said, voice flat, which unnerved Octavia since his voice was always so full of warmth and caring. “We injected the blood into him. Put him in the radiation chamber. Abby said it was time to start. None of us wanted this, but - but I turned the dial. I kept turning it higher, increasing the radiation, and - he died, Octavia. He died, in screaming pain and agony, and it was awful. And I did that.”

“Jackson…” Octavia whispered, sorrow evident in her voice. “I’m so sorry.”

“We were going to do it again.” Miller continued, his voice just as flat as Jackson’s. “It came out that Emori had lied about knowing the guy, but she’d been worried that if they started doing human testing, that she’d be the one they’d choose. She was probably right. So when that thief broke in, she used him to protect herself. Murphy of course protested. We locked them both up, and then when it came time to start again… I was the one who plunged the tranquilizer into Emori’s neck and took her to the table.”

“But Emori was here in the bunker, with Skaikru, before the culling.”

Miller nodded. “She was. But only because Clarke finally grew a conscience that the rest of us didn’t, and injected the blood into herself. And Abby refused to test her own daughter and destroyed the radiation chamber, so… so that’s where it stopped.”

“Abby. I should have known.” Octavia muttered. “Just like a Griffin, any loss is an acceptable loss, as long as it isn’t your own, and as long as you don’t have to be the hand to wield it. Well, at least Clarke was willing to do that part. Abby prefers other people do her dirty work.”

Jackson looked at her closely. “Was it Abby? Who made you do it?”

Octavia nodded. “She said we needed full compliance. That I couldn’t give them a choice, because if people died from starvation, they wouldn’t provide the sustenance we needed. And that breaking Kane was the key, if I got him to eat, then the others would.” She said hollowly. “It worked.”

Niylah took Octavia’s hand in both of hers, rubbing circles on the back of her hand with her thumb. Octavia rested her head on Jackson’s shoulder, not sure what else she could say.

“So you see… we’re all guilty of something.” Jackson said. “And for all we’ve done, no matter how horrible… it has been in the service of trying to save the human race. So we have to live with it. We have to bear it. So the human race survives. But we can’t change the past. All we can do is - is hope. Hope that we don’t have to do anything like that ever again, though realizing that there’s still the terrifying possibility that - that…”

“… that the fight to survive isn’t over yet, and we might find ourselves there again.” Miller finished. “This time you were the one who found yourself there, Octavia. But if you say you don’t deserve comfort and compassion after what you’ve done, then neither do we.”

“But you do.” Octavia whispered.

“And that means you do too.” Jackson wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “You’re not alone. We’re here for you.”

“Thank you.”

The four sat in silence for a long time. It was not an uncomfortable silence, but one that held a promise of peace, what little peace there was to be found in their situation.

“The first week down here was the worst.” Jackson said, breaking the silence. “Not - not because we were here beneath the ground, but because that’s when the nightmares started. The nightmares of what I’d done.”

“I remember.” Niylah said. “I remember you waking up screaming in our bunkroom, but I didn’t know why.”

“Now you do. I still get them sometimes, but they’re not as frequent as they used to be. And Nate is there to help me. I know they probably won’t ever go away completely, and I’ve made my peace with that. It isn’t something I’ll ever forget, and I shouldn’t - because I know the moment I do is the moment I’ve lost my capacity for empathy and humanity. And I don’t ever want to do that.”

“That’s right.” Miller said. “When we stop caring, when it doesn’t matter anymore what we’ve done - that’s when we’re lost. Not now. Not yet. And hopefully never. As long as we still care, there’s still hope for us.”

“Niylah said something like that yesterday.” Octavia said.

“See?” Niylah said, squeezing Octavia’s hand. “I’m not the only one who thinks so.”

“But you also said to not let it destroy me. But it is with me every minute of every day. I can’t think about anything else. Surely that’s not what you mean by living.”

“It isn’t.” Miller said. “You have to let yourself think about other things too. Eric and I wouldn’t have gotten through it without each other.”

“I’m here for her.” Niylah said firmly. “I won’t run. Not this time. And I’m sorry I did after the fighting pits started. I am, _ai niron_ , please believe me.”

“What if this isn’t the worst that will happen?” Octavia asked. “What if things will only get worse?”

“I’m not sure how much worse it could get, but… we’re here for you. No matter what happens.” Miller said, moving to kneel in front of Octavia, imploring her to look at him. “We all are.”

Miller clasped his hands around Niylah’s, which were still holding one of Octavia’s hands. Jackson did the same, and Octavia placed her free one on top.

“Promise?” She whispered.

“Promise.” They all said, holding tight for another moment, and then letting go of each other.

“Good.” Miller said. “Eric, we should probably go for tonight. We’ll come back tomorrow. And then, Octavia, I want you to have done something for me, all right?”

“What is it?”

“Come up with something that we can all do together in the evenings. You need to let yourself think about other things, and having some sort of activity to take your mind off everything will help.”

“And that would help all of us.” Niylah added. “We could all use something right now.”

Octavia nodded. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

Miller nodded, and he and Jackson got up to go. They were almost to the door when Octavia called out “Wait!”, and they paused.

Octavia got to her feet, and embraced Miller as tightly as he had her when she’d first come in. “Thank you.”

“It’s what I’m here for.” Miller responded, hugging her back.

Octavia looked to Jackson, and he gave her one of his half-smiles. She embraced him too, and he held her tightly.

“Have you cried yet?” Jackson asked softly. “I… I know it took me a long time to cry. But when I did, I… it helped.”

“I haven’t.”

“When you’re ready, it’ll come. And I promise, it will help. It’s okay to fall apart a little, Octavia.”

She nodded as they separated, and as the door closed behind the two of them, Octavia turned to Niylah and collapsed in sobs, Niylah catching her before she hit the floor.

Niylah cradled Octavia to her chest, holding her close as she cried. She didn’t know what it was that Jackson had said that had opened those floodgates almost immediately, but she knew there had to be something deeper to it. She would ask, but for now, she needed to make sure that Octavia knew that she was safe and that she was loved.

Octavia’s sobs didn’t let up for a long time. Niylah didn’t know how long she’d been holding it all in. She hoped it hadn’t been years, ever since she’d walked away after the first gladiator fight. The bunker was small, she knew that Octavia hadn’t had any other relationships. Which meant that if she’d cried, it had either been on her own, or with Miller, who she counted on more than anyone else. And he hadn’t given any indication that she’d come to him at any point.

When the sobs began to slow down, Niylah shifted her grip, shifting Octavia in her arms so that she could kiss the top of her head and hopefully get her up onto the bed, but Octavia looked up at her with a look of panic, curling her hand in Niylah’s shirt, not letting her go.

“No. Don’t go. Please don’t go.”

“I’m not going anywhere, _ai niron_. I’m staying right here with you. I promise.”

“You won’t leave again?”

“No. I’m so sorry I left you then. I - I was afraid. I didn’t understand. But I do now. I know you’re not out for blood. I know you mourn each of their deaths. I know _you_ , and I know you’re doing the best you can. And I will be here for you from now on.”

“Thank you.”

“I love you. I’m going to tell you that each day. And I’ll be here for you whenever you need to cry. It seems you’ve been holding it in for a long time.”

“Not quite, but - but what Jackson said - someone else told me that once, a long time ago. And just everything - _everyone_ I’ve lost -” she buried her face in Niylah’s shoulder.

“Was it Lincoln?” Niylah asked.

“No.” Came a soft whisper. “Jasper. After Lincoln died, I - I tried to be the warrior. Like Indra taught me, stoic and not crying until the war was over. But then Jasper said it was okay to fall apart a little. And now _he’s_ dead too, just like Lincoln. And Ilian, and my mother, and maybe even Bellamy too… I’m cursed, Niylah. Anyone close to me dies. And I’m so terrified that it will happen to you too. I love you and love is always ripped away from me.”

“Oh, _Okteivia_ …” Niylah felt Octavia start to cry into her shoulder again. “I… I can’t control our destinies. When it is our time, it is our time. But I will never give in to it. I will not lie there and let death claim me without fighting back. While I still draw breath, I will always fight my way back to you. _I promise._ ”

 

_Six weeks later, when the unseen assassin plunged his knife into Niylah’s back, she wouldn’t stop thinking of her promise, and clung to it with each laboured breath as she lay on Octavia’s bedroom floor, pulling herself closer to the door, inch by inch, not giving up, she **wouldn’t** give up._

_“I won’t leave her…” Niylah whispered into the darkness. “I promised. I won’t leave her. I won’t. I won’t…”_

_She was barely conscious when Octavia found her, but when Niylah felt herself lifted up in her arms, she knew everything would be all right. They always saved each other._

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "No More Heroes” and “No One Will Save You” by Aviators.


End file.
